Do not get another dog right now

SUMMARY: Don’t. Just don’t.

I got Zorro when it was just me and Chip not long after Tika and Boost died that spring

Even though I was adoring getting to know Chip better, I fell in love with Zorro’s face (it was not like any of my prior dogs, but that wasn’t it–), and I brought him home, and he sucked up so much of my attention, and I have thought often that it was an emotional mistake. I’m trying not to make that same mistake again.

But–the fear creeps in. The same fear that I first noticed 30 years ago,  two years after Amber died.

Old Amber

For those two years, I thought I was done with dogs. Heartache, exhausting, dust and mud and dirt and dog hair everywhere. But as my husky aged and declined–she was 14 already (who knew she’d live to 17!?). And then the fear–

Jim was inclined to get a dog from the shelter or an animal rescue place again rather than to find a puppy in the paper. (If we HAD to get a dog; he was pretty sure Sheba wouldn’t be happy about it and maybe we should wait til Sheba wasn’t around any more.) 

Told Jim that when we got back from Hawaii it would be time for ME to have another dog because i couldn’t bear to have an empty house when Sheba goes to the great goodie cabinet in the sky. 

From my May 17, 1994 post, “How I Carefully Chose the Dog–And the Results“

But: I couldn’t bear to have an empty house.
What if something happens to Zorro.
I hadn’t expected Boost to die.
Maybe I should try having an empty house, though. Maybe.
Have had at least one dog since shortly after I moved out from parents’ to my own place.
Over 40 years. (Plus the family dog before that.)
Maybe it’s time.

Or, I could rescue a senior dog, one that’s hard to adopt out. Or I could foster.
Could my heart stand either, when they’d leave so soon?

DO NOT MAKE A DECISION IN GRIEF. OR FEAR.

I miss Chip so much. His laughter. His affection. His fun.
And do not miss his flaws.

And Zorro seems like a better dog with Chip gone. Most of the time.

Still–I miss him so much.

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Christmas Blues and Reds and Purples–

SUMMARY: Finding ways to feel less grief this year.

This year (4th year w/out parents or cousin), I have found that xmas music–which I have always loved, yet in past years has made me cry– actually seems to envelop me in a warm, loving, safe place, so I’ve been playing it a lot and singing along loudly (I just try to avoid, say, Blue Christmas). I think I got my love of Christmas music through my mom, who was the most musical parent.

And I have deliberately taken on hosting xmas after these few years with almost nothing going on for me. Stressful–SO much to do!–but happy stressful. I am very much looking forward to having much of the family here, even though I’m not entirely clear yet on what kinds of new traditions we might be keeping from the last few holidays. I want traditions.

I’m well aware that it’s all different for different people, or even for the same person on different years, or different days! (As it is for me.)  Here’s an excellent article on this topic.

So far, I’ve hung almost all the purple (including ones that have some purple somewhere) and blue ornaments. Five boxes of ornaments to go! I’m thinkin’ I’m not actually going to get them all hung, and that’s OK, too.

Wishing you all whatever you can find during this Holiday season to bring you some peace, or some feeling of being cared about, or some joy.

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